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I just read your blog The Shattering and it made me recall an eisdope in my life quite similar. I was 23 yrs old, 7 months pregnant with my second child and just had the millionth fight with my then husband about his addiction, inability to keep a job, and total disregard for his family responsibilities. I was in hysterics, crying, ran out the door, ran four streets away to a small park, sat on a swing and sobbed uncontrollably(in the pouring rain). I thought the rain drowned out my sobs, but a nearby neighbor came out, invited me into their home, a complete stranger, to calm down. I sat awhile, then calmly returned home and continued to live in hell, until I got the strength to leave 5 yrs later. I guess something just snapped inside me thank God for that. I, too, survived, and so did my daughters who are now 37, 33, and 31. Keep on keepin' on life will get happy and you will be loved!

I used to tell my S-ex that he should send my paenrts a thank you note because they did such a great job of prepping me for him. My father was a S he tried to kill me when I was 8. My mother was a malignant N, but pretty well into S territory herself. The beatings were bad, but it was the emotional abuse that really took their toll. But, still I plodded on, trying to please the unpleasable.And so I moved on from my paenrts to disastrous personal relationships and work relationships. Tolerating unimaginable crap because I was conditioned not to fight back, to think of others before myself, indeed, to devalue myself. I kept it up until I let the S blow through my life like a typhoon.After S I realized that I had to make some huge changes in my life. The first thing I did was discover this site. Among the suggested books was Patrick Carnes' Betrayal Bond. My problem with BB was that I couldn't wrap my mind around how I kept getting involved with controlling peop0le like the S both personally and professionally. And, plain and simple, a relationship with an S is all about control.The I discovered Dan Neuharth's If You Had Controlling Parents. That book was the lightbulb that went off over my head. He discusses all the types of control paenrts can utilize to control a child and gives great case study examples. When I went back and reread BB, it made perfect sense to me. I'm now a lot more attuned to controlling personalities. I've learned that when I encounter one, I need to remove myself, not waste time to figure out what type of cluster B he is. I need to move on to protect myself. A lot of bloggers on this site came from abusive controlling families. I recommend these two books be read in my opinion Controlling Parents first, so that you can begin to understand how you end up controlled, then BB, so that you can understand how you keep ending up with this kind of personality.

就如Wikipedia所講 Codependence (or codependency) is a pscoholygical condition in which someone exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.本來這是指在abusive環境長大 家有酗酒 吸毒者之類的人較易有的問題 太過care家人的struggle 又或者容易被needy unreliable的人吸引 e.g. 易被囚犯吸引-->跟囚犯結婚-->囚犯一出獄就失蹤-->又被另一個囚犯吸引... 不過呢ｄ咁既定義 好容易就generalize到乜叉都係codependence 仲要加多幾錢聖經落去 炒成一碟自私的藉口 其中代表作Codependent No More 睇到我媽媽聲 呢個review講晒我對呢壇codependence野既睇法 Beattie's definition of what codependency is in this book is almost laughable in its attempt to tag everyone in the world as a codependent. (Except herself. She's above that now.) By the *extremely* broad list of codependent "symptoms" in this book, anyone who picks it up could be labeled as codependent. Also, calling it a "progressive disease which can eventually lead to death" is absolutely ludicrous, sky-high rhetoric.Worried about the misfortunes of your loved ones? Oh, you shameful, pathetic codependent. Care for someone else's well-being? You hopeless codependent. You must have had an alcoholic great grandfather. Are you crying? Only codependents cry. Does anyone else's behavior affect you in a way other than affirming your Nitzschean ubermenschen attitude? You are so codependent. Join a 12-step program now. Don't ever help someone who is sick or down on their luck or you'll be an enabler, or "taking their inventory" or whatever AA catch-phrase can be quickly thrown at you.記得見過一本抬埋耶穌出黎講 不過一時唔記得個名 此乃feel good心理學文化之一例 簡而言之就是一種hedonism feel good最重要 又何必憂國憂民憂社會 成日憂 即係controlling啦 unchristian添呀 嘔晒血 我親戚其實同斷六親都差無幾 佢老婆同仔都討厭同佢死 我老豆的左佢返香港整左佢入院 但老豆都就黎頂佢唔順 佢係病院唔肯食藥 醫生又冇佢乎 因為佢係美國公民 香港醫生唔敢郁佢 美國醫生就根本冇心醫 基本上係等佢犯大事踢佢坐監就當一了百了 家陣完全係處於磨爛蓆狀態 佢唔食藥 i.e.唔醫病 但又唔俾佢出院......